not so little, but i'm thankful for seizures, however weird that might be.

this is not little. it hasn't been a tiny, miniscule thing in my life. but i figure this blog is all about being thankful. for everything. especially the little things. but also for not so little things. and things you wouldn't expect someone to be thankful. like my epilepsy and weird joint problems and my body practically revolting. you wouldn't expect someone to be praising and thanking God for such not good things. you hear someone has seizures, or is in pain to some extent everyday, and you don't immediately think 'thank God!', if you're human, you probably think 'man, why do things like this have to happen to people!?' which is what i have said for quite some time. but ya know what? i'm realizing how much of a blessing they have been. the bad things. the having to take daily meds and having not been able to drive for a while and all that. i know it sounds cliche and stupid, but. the suffering in life makes the good things so much sweeter and you so much more thankful for everything. and i'd like to think it toughens me up too. i'm not so wimpy and powerless anymore. its rather hard to explain, since you have not gone through the exact things and feelings and thoughts that i have. but. i dont know. i've just had this overwhelming thankful attitude for the not so great crap in life. it pushes me out of my comfort zone, helps me grow. i highly doubt i would be the person i am today if i had not gone through the things i have. i'm not sure that i can pinpoint a lot of specific instances. but, for example. seizures. theres not really much of anything i can do to stop them. i mean i can take drugs and not do certain things or whatever. but i can't control everything my body decides to do. if my brain's gonna go crazy, its gonna go crazy. period. this lack of control has helped me a lot with just going with the flow of things. its just a sort of gradual attitude change. even more reason to be thankful for them is the fact that God can do amazing things. well, that He could design something as intricate and amazing as the human brain. that though he gave/allowed my brain some nice crazy neurons, he made them calm down. not at all saying that they could go crazy at any point in my life again. but that they could stop. for them to be so easily controlled and mild in the first place. things could be so much worse. though, i think that if they were, i'd find a way to thank God for everything in one way or another eventually. great lessons and things can come from not so great things. afterall, the object of life is not to avoid pain or trouble. beautiful things often require pain and trouble. beautiful things such as my intense faith and discovery of God and the person i am today and my attitude towards things, they required trouble and lack of comfort to develop. you grow so much more when you're not comfortable. there are so many things you learn when you are not in a content, comfortable place in life. so yea. i'm thankful for my seizures and all my weird body quirks. even if it sounds crazy... i don't care. :)

gilmore girls.

so yea. its a chick series. it might be cheesy or bad or whatever else you want to call it. but when you're having a questionable night, and you get together with a bunch of girls and watch gilmore girls for like 3 and a half hours, it makes you happy. i dont know if it would be as good if i were alone, but laughing about things and making comments and just being with people while watching it makes it rather enjoyable. oh, and brownies help too. ;)

a quick walmart trip.

its definitely an unexpected blessing! going to walmart can be a time-consuming experience. almost anytime you go, its busy and not efficient. so when i left work at 430 and went to walmart and got everything i needed and got back home by 515. 45 min! to get there, get what i needed, and back! that never happens! especially at rushhour when everyones getting off work! :)

that feeling after finishing an essay.

you know what i'm talking about. you have an essay or big project that you need to get done, but you're dreading it and procrastinating. you sit down and get it down. and oh man. that feeling. that release. you no longer have to worry about it. its done. ahhhh. :)

blankets.

what would a bed be without blankets? they're warm. comforting. soft. getting up in the morning, throwing them off you and starting the day. on a lazy day, going back to lay in your bed to watch tv. and finding them still warm. the pressure they provide when going to sleep. i'd much rather wear a cami and shorts and have to use seven blankets then wear pants and a longsleeve shirt and only use one or two blankets. i dont know, the pressure, the warmth, the softness. combine them with soft jersey sheets, and oh man. this might be weird, but i notice it... the way your blankets smell like you. they smell like your room and the ones that are closest to your body smell like you. blankets just feel safe. :)

after church brunch.

we go to church. we drive back and park on the street by cromer. we all go to the caf. we get a long table, sometimes pushing two together. we put our stuff down. we get food. we eat. we talk. about life. little things. big things. surface things. deep things. just being with each other. eating, talking, listening. don't get me wrong, church itself is great and wonderful. but i look forward to lunch afterward almost as much or maybe more if i'm feeling especially socially needy. we don't even have to have any deep conversations. we could talk about middle school memories and upcoming tests and it'd still be great. just being with other people who i know believe what i do and care about me. i feel comfortable. even if i dont talk. or if i talk the whole time. it's just so comfortable and wonderful. i can totally see why fellowship is so important. cause after church brunch is the bomb dot com.

things coming up.

i was worried that i wouldn't know what to do with a whole saturday with absolutely no plans coming into it. well things come up. and it's nice. it gives me something to do. i still had time to chill but i'm also being productive, delivering flowers and ordering glasses and babysitting later tonight. its just another example of the fact that theres no use really worrying about what's gonna happen or what you're gonna do, cause things will probably come up and things will always work out one way or another. :)

strawberry yogurt.

its so good. smooth. simple. flavorful. creamy. cool. just slides down your throat. makes me think of being a kid again. licking the yogurt off the lid. scraping the last bit out of the bottom corners. yummm. :)

walking alone on a cold dark night.

so i had to stay after for a short bit after cru tonight. everyone else that lives in my dorm had already left. so i walked alone back to my dorm, across campus. i know, i know, probably not the safest thing to do in these days. but. it was amazing. the cold crispness of the air. the way it was so dark that it seems like you can see all the stars. and the lamps along the sidewalk, glowing in stark contrast to the dark sky. but soothing and warm at the same time. and just looking up at all of those stars and constellations. and seeing the outlines of the bare trees. just feeling alive. you can feel the cold air you're breathing. you can feel your face and fingers tingling from the cold. everything seems so vivid and alive, yet calm and subtle at the same time. and looking up and around the whole walk helped keep my mind off potential bad things that could happen to a girl walking alone at night... ;)

piano.

only 15 minutes needed. longer appreciated. doesn't necessarily have to sound good, though that is a definite bonus. it's not just about making pretty music that sounds good. theres a physical and almost spiritual benefit to it too. back to that expression thing again i guess. being able to play something soft and soothing, but also being able to play something loud and crazy. its just amazing. it's a little thing (well, to some extent) in my life and it makes it so much better!

car rides

sometimes you end up in the car for a couple few hours. and at first, it's not an exciting idea. but. some of the greatest things happen on those long car rides with friends. you get to talking. you talk about life. things get serious. just lots of fun. and so much of it is about attitude. just going with the flow and talking and just being in eachothers company. :)

expression. inspiration.

it doesnt even have to end up pretty or beautiful (though that's definitely preferable). but if its meaningful and helps you express yourself and inspires you, it's art.

cookies and creme

oh. cookies and creme ice cream is so good. it's simple yet timelessly delicious. whenever you see it in the caf, you have to make sure to get some when you can because it disappears quick. oreos are delicious. even better in ice cream form. the ice cream itself tastes like the inside creme then you have the chunks of cookies. so good. some cookies and creme ice cream on a cone = amazing way to end a not so good caf dinner. :)


*pretend that's cookies and creme ice cream on the cone... ;)

threat of ice.

so ice can be a very bad thing. it can make trees break and power lines go haywire. but. the threat of ice also cancels classes. and canceled classes means getting to go home a half day early and hopefully missing the ice on the road. :)

rainboots.

oh they are so lovely. especially in good old hickory. i was not informed of this when i applied here, but they do not have a drought here. i don't it's just been wet alot lately everywhere or just here. either way. rainboots are amazing. they can be stylish. they are fun. you can stomp in the puddles like a little kid. you can use them in snow or rain or mud. and they usually have at least some traction so you dont die from slipping. they keep your feet warm and dry. rainboots are wonderful.

prayer.

again. not so much of a little thing. but. it is so often a little thing in our day. lately i've been able to have extra time alone due to the winter weather we've been having. so i've had more time to just be with God and be in prayer. it's really wonderful and it makes me think about what i could ditch in my daily life that would give me more time to spend with Him. this morning i met with a girl and we prayed in the little campus chapel room in the student center. it was really nice to be in His presence with someone else. i ended up a bit late to chemistry, but it was worth it. we lost track of time while talking to God. now i'm not gonna make it a habit or use it as an excuse or anything. but i feel like God wouldnt mind me being late one day to chemistry because i was spending quality time with Him. its part of my routine to end the day with Him. but starting the day that way is super good too. it just starts the day off on the right foot and helps me to keep focused on God throughout the crap of the day. so yea. prayer is an awesome thing that is often too little of a part of our lives, but is a little thing that we can do to help us along the way.